Case of the (Motivational) Mondays: 10/6/14-It's Never Personal

Welcome to a Case of the Motivational Mondays!  A weekly series taking a break from strictly clothes and outfits to focus on feeling as good as you dress!  For a more thorough introduction to this series click here and here!

Elephant prints bring you good luck, which is why I'm coming at you in one!  Dress: Bernie Dexter via Modcloth, Shoes: Anne Klein

Hey all!  Welcome back to the Monday series that strives to have you feel as good as you in your adorable outfits look!  I've been anxious to get back to this series after a 2 week hiatus and have cooked up a lot of good perspectives, thoughts, and positive points of view to share with you all!  This week's topic is: it's never personal.  Let's dive in!

We've all been there before.  We're driving down the highway and suddenly some jerk off comes out of left field and nearly runs us over.  Or the driver in front of you just can't find their turn signal to save their lives.  Depending on how short our fuse is in general or what kind of day we're already having, we get really angry at the bad driver and wonder how people like that exist in the world.  Or maybe you're in a grocery store and somebody runs into you and doesn't say sorry.  Little things add up and matter in life, so if you keep nearly getting cut off, run over, and people aren't exactly polite towards you while doing so, it starts to drain you and can ruin your day.  But why?

Think about that time you were in the car with your friends and running late to some event.  You, or whomever the driver was, suddenly cut across a few lanes on the highway to make your exit.  You knew you had just enough room to squeak in safely, but you also knew the other drivers on the road probably had a near heart attack.  Your whole carload is laughing from the adrenaline and ridiculousness of the situation-especially if someone made a funny one liner about the situation.  It was never at any point an attack on the other drivers, and you certainly didn't want to ruin their day.  You were just kids being kids.  Another example: you're as sick as a dog and you're walking down the grocery store aisle because you promised you'd bring some side to some dinner that you can't get out of despite your illness.  Have you ever caught yourself in a moment realizing how off putting you may look?  I know I personally have bumped into people before, but have been so out of it that they likely didn't hear my faint, "I'm sorry."  They probably thought I was a bitch on wheels.  I doubt they ever thought of me past 5 minutes later, but my point is that sometimes those strangers in life who stress you out are certainly not against you, nor are they bad people.  We all go into our own world from time to time, and on occasion we become "that person" because of it.

The good news about this is that you're free from being stressed out or annoyed that cashier wasn't friendly towards you or someone was tailgating you!  Sure, it'll never be the best time ever when these situations crop up but knowing you may need to feel compassion or understanding towards the negative person means you replace any unnecessary stress you're feeling.  You don't have to absorb the negative feelings that people are putting out there because they're not intended for you-even if you walk into the crossfires.  Taking an angry reaction off yourself and trying to commiserate sets you free-I promise.

It works in more personal situations too.  For instance, years back I fell into a new friend group.  I liked everyone, except this one guy.  I didn't like this one guy because he was so negative and angry, making me walk on eggshells around his personality.  I never focused on my dislike for him, because I try not to give attention to people and things I dislike, but every time he'd show up somewhere I'd have to shrug off some disappointment.  But then, to use 'Oprah vernacular' here, an "aha moment" happened.  I'm going to keep details sparse as this person is actually my friend to this day and I have yet to tell him I really didn't like him in the beginning, but basically over a meal between a few of us a catalyst happened where a bunch of us felt compelled and safe to share our sad stories.  His said story struck me, not because it was necessarily the saddest story ever, but because the details suddenly made me connect the dots to his personality and disposition being the way that he was.  In essence, he was his own worst enemy and all of his actions were misguided projections of other issues.  Realizing he wasn't a jerk just to be a jerk and arguably didn't know better, I could focus on the compassion and lack of judgement he needed instead of how uncomfortable it was when he was around.  Since then I've gotten to know really great sides to him, and anytime he's giving me attitude I a) don't take it personally because it's just how he is, b) almost get a kick out of it 9/10 times (if you're a Gilmore Girls fan I liken that approach to when Lorelei decided to be "zen" towards her mother Emily and then teaches Emily how to be zen towards her mother-in-law), or c) if it happens too often or I'm feeling more sensitive to being around an attitude, I try not to see him for a week or two.

I couldn't find a meme for the exact episode/quote I referenced, but I found one that kind of works!  PS-Y'all know Gilmore Girls in on Netflix streaming now, riiiight? ;)

Maybe there's someone in your life that you need to redirect thoughts off how it could be about you and wonder why they are the way they are and feel for them if need be.  Who knows, maybe things are status quo in your world though-and I hope so!  Even if that is the case, I'm sure some kind of behavior bugs you, especially with social media.  Social media is both the greatest thing ever...and the worst.  Depending how much you're into it or check it feverishly, it's impossible to not notice some people favoring other people's posts or that some of your friends never "like" your status messages or profile photos.  As somebody who used to be a Facebook junkie and now for over a year I have to force myself to log in...I can tell you that anyone who is "neglecting"  you is not personally taking a stance against you.  I used to wish everyone a happy birthday, because I believe in feeling as much love as possible on the one day a year dedicated to you, even if it's from a former one-time lab partner or something equally random like that.  I mean, why not, right?  It doesn't hurt anyone to do that!  Nowadays though, I only have Facebook on my phone and never log into it on my computer (I have pages for other businesses etc that I stay logged into instead of my personal account).  My version of Facebook on my phone doesn't list birthdays on the home page like the web page does.  It occasionally gives me push notifications of people's birthdays, but not always.  Even then, it's when I wake up in the morning, which means it competes with a bunch of Instagram notifications, weather alerts, CNN alerts, and text messages...and depending on the most urgent or exciting notification, the birthday alert may never be opened or seen through foggy and newly awake eyes.  I'm not implying y'all get pissed off it someone random misses your birthday on Facebook; I'm just using this example as a way to showcase that social media habits change, and sometimes people disappear for a while.

On a very specific to this blog note, I'm terrible at commenting on your blogs!  Hell, it takes me a week to comment back on my own blog's comments!  Talk about not personal! But it doesn't mean I'm not reading or don't care!  And with Instagram-sheesh.  At least one day a week I just don't check it-for a variety of reasons.  Sometimes even after a few hour hiatus Instagram will only load so many pictures on my newsfeed!  I always feel like a jackass if I post without checking your guys photos, but I do my best to catch up.  And, I know that happens to y'all too sometimes.  I try to dedicate one day a week where I check out my favorite blogs.  Depending on time, or how many posts in a row I've missed, I may comment only once and skip to the next entry without commenting on others.  But I'm reading because I care, not not commenting because I don't.  I view my own blog with the same expectations.  Sometimes I post and I immediately get a ton of traffic and a comment or two right away.  Yay!  But other times, man oh man, there's a very limited audience at the get go!  It's cool though, because all current readers get busy like I do and not all new readers have found their way to that post.  Throughout the week, views and comments catch up and either or I never find it worth stressing about.  Life gets busy and it's probably good we're not rabidly checking each other's blog or outfit pics on Instagram and actually out living life in those outfits we talk and post about!  Heaven forbid anyone take any of that stuff too personally!  But we do eventually get there, and that's what counts.  My point is, with social media, our blogs, real life friends, or random run-ins at Target, 9/10 times any neglect or dirty look isn't actually directed towards you.  People just get busy...or they have a resting bitch face!

Can't scroll any further!  And I promise my friend Chris did not post the first ever Instagram photo 8 hours prior to this lol (that's what it said but the 8hr mark got cut off when I cropped out his name)

I'm not saying that there aren't occurrences in life to wonder about if you should in fact take it personally.  If that's the case, ask the person in question if you did anything wrong and how to fix it.  But 90% of the time people are just out of it and in their own worlds-strangers and loved ones alike.  We all have a tendency to go inwards and see the world as a reflection of ourselves.  But kind of like how you can fixate on that one flaw, or how your dress doesn't fit right...nobody else is going to notice or care like you will.  For better or for worse, that's so much of life.  Focus on the fact that it's probably not about you and where to apply compassion when pseudo obvious.  I can't even begin to explain to you how freeing it is!  So while everyone else is too busy being in their own worlds, you can relish the fact that you're that much more stress free because you aren't concerned when people don't reach out promptly or seem to lack common decency and manners.  You know they're either busy or having a really bad day, respectively.

Two weeks ago, I posted here but didn't advertise it much as I was getting on a plane!  And then upon landing my lovely guest blogger series started and I felt a greater emphasis to feature them on other forms of social media.  If you missed 2 Mondays ago post, click here please.  Part of why I'm bringing it up is because I decided that this feature was missing something: laughter.  It's all fine and good to talk about life on the bright side and sometimes with a lean on being serious.  But in honor of my late father's birthday I decided to add some laughter to our Mondays, that way regardless of how serious these posts are we can end on a fun and light hearted note.  This week I decided to pick a 7 year long staple of mine-as well as my friend group's!  It's a 7 episode web cartoon series called Planet Unicorn.  The series itself is pretty ridiculous, but the theme song alone is worth watching over and over and over again.



See?  My friends and I have not only drunkenly bursted out into this song on several occasions- but we've also altered the style of music to different genres (Louis Armstrong singing it, ballad vocal stylings, etc), but it spawned more inside jokes about unicorns than I can count!  Hope everyone's week is awesome!  Next week I have a big announcement on this series so be sure to check back!

Did you just find this page and am wondering who I am?  Click here for a proper introduction!

Motivational Monday 9/15/14
Motivational Monday 9/22/14

Instagram- @demurelaurenblair
Twitter- @LaurenBlair23

Comments

  1. Ah - I know what you mean! So true for me when it comes to traffic especially. My fuse in that particular thing can be rather short and road rage rears it's ugly head, I hate to admit. Anyhow - great perspective. I will certainly have to remember this next time I'm cut-off or tailed for that matter :-) And on a lighter note - really pretty dress!!

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    Replies
    1. I used to be like that too! Frankly, on a really bad day I still will get some road rage as we're ALL a work in progressive! I'm super glad you enjoyed this post and thank-you! XOXO

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  2. I loved this post! You're right, we have to keep in mind that someone else's angry/rude/disapproving behavior isn't necessarily a reflection of us but of them. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt; if someone cuts me off or zooms past me, I tell myself for all I know they are late to an important meeting or they are going through a stressful time in their life. It's easy to judge when we are stuck in our own daily life bubbles. Also, I (clearly) fall back on commenting on blogs too, don't worry! None of us are sitting at our computers 24/7 blogging, though it would be nice if we were :).

    Keep up the positivity, I love it!!!

    xo, Serli
    www.lesoleilchic.blogspot.com

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